Browse Professor Quotes

Sean are you downloading music?
—Prof. Reed - after seeing that his computer (and/or the Network connection) wasn't working
So if I were to wear my KKK uniform to the next class, would anyone say anything???
—This professor will remain anonymous, but if you were in her class, you would know!!!
Prof. Dennin explained how to do a math problem.
Student 1: Guess I wasn't here that day.
Prof. Dennin: Then it must have been a Friday. Even Lauren was here. Cheap shot, I know.
Student 2: No, it was a Wednesday.
Class looks at student 2, wondering why in the world she would actually remember what day we went over that math problem.
Prof. Dennin: Go get a root beer. Relax!
—Number theory. Of course.
I knew people, that lived in the sixties...they had...flowers....in their hair, and....they did some pretty crazy things...sometimes, even destructive ones...
—Prof. Haas, rambling about God knows what
Curious George? Now there was a monkey who had some issues!
—Prof. Bayers, talking about the hidden meanings in children's books.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE, DON'T ANY OF YOU KNOW HOW TO READ???
—Dr. Petry after asking a semi-tough question based on a passage right in front of us, and getting a response from deep-left.
Americans are good at this. We sell drugs.
—Prof. Forsythe talking about how America has moved from selling Tobacco in other countries to peddling drugs.
Well you want to become a junior first - dont you?
—Dr. O'Neill (in response to a student saying that they had to be at the housing lottery at the same time that the test was being held)
The most important event in your life is not the CHEM paper coming up - it's gastulation...You made it! <Turning back to the board> Good job.
—~Malcolm Hill, Gen Bio II
For example, in the U.S. when a person turns 18 they get their license and then at 21 they can vote.
—Fr. Reddy, god bless him.
take the male part, rub it on the female part, BAM! sex, it happens.
—Malcom hill was talking about how plants reproduce...but taken out of context, its funnier
I'm watching you to make sure you don't copy - but I shouldn't because I really don't care! Maybe I should just stare at the wall, or play with my phone.
—A prof. I'd rather not name
No, no. I don't believe you.
—Dr. O'Neil after being told by a student that their answer differed from his.
What is it the little boy wants? He wants to boink his mother
—Dr. McCarthy, on the Oedpial stage of development
How many people are there in China? (long pause) There's a whole s#*tload of people n China!!!
—Prof. Deak, EC12A, trying to explain why the US imports more than we export
You are allowed to bring medications and water to class
—Seth Lewis - IS199A
You have a sectarian system where a society is based on sects.That's S-E-C-T-S not S-E-X ! But wouldn't that be nice!!
—Prof Coury in West in the Middle East
I am a limo driver.
Dr. Cathy Miners
Econ Stats
—Commentary on hypothesis testing presentation
If you ever think about killing yourself, don't do it until you have seen the whirling dervishes!
—Professor Willis, RS 10
Now THIS is kind of WILD: S x^2 J3
—~Father MacDonnell discussing the specifics of Applied Math.
If you told a young woman today that she is unhappy because she does not have a penis, what kind of a reaction might you get? (Pause, waiting for a response) You probably would get something like, You are Fucking wierd!
—Dr. McCarthy, Theories of Personality: Freud's penis envy theory
You could be a drooling retardate and be governor of Texas.
—Professor Anderson, Honors Seminar: Globalization
You guys are willfull beasts!!! Not like my daughther though... hahaha.. ha... she's tough... OK...
—Dr Naser, says "beast" then has a flashback, then moves on without explaining any of it whatsoever.
Know the Army's old recruiting strategy? Put up a big poster of Uncle Sam with a menacing look in his eye, pointing his finger at you. You try that today, and you'll get a finger right back at you.
—Professor Anderson, Honors Globalization Seminar, on the reason for the "Army of One" campaign
You can tell all of your friends tonight that you learned the mean value theorem today!
—Professor Mulvey, MA171, Differential Calculus
Alto's if it were up to you, the Jews would still be left in Babylonia.
—Carol Anne Maxwell: in response to the glee club's alto section singing poor singing of Nabucco
Right on the nose (As the prof. touches the tip of his nose)
—Prof Burch - Applied Ethics - after someone gave a correct answer
I always thought that Ireland was the sixth continent before some idiot told me otherwise
—Dr. James Mullan
My advice to you ladies, don't get a divorce... poison 'em, hire a Russian hit man, don't divorce him.
—Professor Anderson, Race Gender and Ethnic Relations, explaining how it is not beneficial for women to get a divorce
See these, (showing us a text book picture) these are pictures of genital warts, if you see these, don't even say 'good night' just run away!
—Dr. Braun- Micriobiology
That could be potentially possible...webifying is the way of the future.
—Prof. Edward Deak
Don't blow your wad on page 18
—Carole Ann Maxwell, to the Chamber Singers' Sopranos, who were giving it away too soon in a 60+ page piece.
I have a friend whose parents are still out in North Dakota...North Dakota...phew!
—Prof. O'Connor, Honors Seminar
That was a joke...should I put up a sign? I AM BEING IRONIC!
—Prof. O'Connor, Honors Seminar
If he were in the 20th century he'd have pink flamingos on his lawn or a black jockey
—Prof. O'Connor, Honors Seminar
I own the whole God damn place -Prof. O'Connor, Honors Seminar
—Leans back and puts his feet up on the desk.
Why would God show Moses his ass? Its like... you wanna see me??? You wanna see me??? Ok, you can see me!
—Rev. E.R. Haire on the different translations of religious history
Ive got to kill one of these two, and its not going to be pretty now matter which I kill first...
—Dr.Lang, telling it like it is
These antihistamines have left me very fuzzy. I feel like I'm moving through a field of Benadryl.
—Dr. Tromley (BU 200)
Do you know what I'm talking about - or should I take a hike?
—Dr. Obando (IS340)
My nose is all stuffed, it's always stuffed, because I'm allergic to so many things. I know you're excited to hear about my condition. I'm actually a hypochondriac of sorts. I like to talk about my health and symptoms...and again, I'm not drunk today.
—Professor Coury, HI 280, The West and the Middle East
I had more money in my wallet than I thought I did. I felt like cancelling the class, getting out of here and having a good time.
—Prof. DeWitt PH 155
Lets see, has Erin said anything intelligent today? No! Allright then Erin, whats the answer?
—Dr.Dennin
So what did it say?
Oh you didn't read it!
—Dr. Oband (IS340)
What did you all think of the home work last night?......Did any of you look at the homework last night?.....Did any of you do the homework last night?
—Prof. Hills MA 122 Applied Calculus II
you smell the organic chemicals and it turns you into a chemist... it makes you strange... just like them
—Prof. DeWitt Ph. 155 Philosophy of Science
This really sucks! Why did I make you guys read this?
—Prof. Sargent LS 300 Health & Law on the reading assigned for class
Lutheran Churches are so friendly! Everyone wants to talk to you! You go into a Catholic Church, and no one wants to even know you! You could DIE in a Catholic Church, and they won't even stop the Mass! You lay there dead and someone just quietly calls 911 and wheels you out!
—Dr. Dallavalle RS115: Intro to Catholism on the differences between Religious Celebrations
Don't smoke crack
—Dr. Willis- RS 10
Don't worry folks I'm not drunk, just really happy. Though I do like to have a little sip, but not usually before lunch
—Professor Coury, HI 280
What do you do with hashish? Once upon a time when I was a little tot I had it, but I don't remember.
—Prof. Kazura, HI30
The conceptual framework of accounting is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me.
—Dr. Paul Caster, AC 203: Intermediate Accounting
All good things come to and end. Yes, even bad things come to an end.
—Dr. Jack Beal, Physics Professor
There goes Sister Mary Constipation ringing the bell again.
—Prof. Paul I. Davis, Modern Germany class when the bell at Egan Chapel rings at lunch time.
We grind up horses to feed to our dogs, and the dogs eat the horse, but we don't eat the dogs.
—Dr. Eugene Murphy - Anthropology
You've got to watch out for old men. There may be snow on the roof but there is still fire in the furnace
—Dr. Ross - Endocrinology
Did you get off on it? ... get your mind out of the gutter!
—Dr. Milo Peck, AC203
We are afraid of being attacked by dust-bunnies the next time we do inventory.
—Dr. Milo Peck, AC203
Tucker: It looks like nobody has been to any porno sites on this computer lately.
Ducoffe: I don't think anyone cares Michael
—Prof. Tucker and Prof. Ducoffe trying to explain what cookies are.
Stay away from that No Doz is that stuff illegal yet????.... Oh yeah, and keep away from the crystal meth, that IS Illegal I know.
—Dr. Tomlinson in Eng. 339 Giving Us Exam Advice
Please pay attention while we show you how to wear your gown - it is not a halloween costume and it should not be worn that way.
—Mary Frances Malone - Info session for graduation
Christians believe in the resurrection of meat. (snicker)
—John Thiel, Honors Minds and Bodies
Nader is a proven loser
—Prof. Buss, EC 12
33 people get an A... Yes! Yes! (clapping emphatically)
—Prof. Tromley (BU 100)
Well I could imagine pink elephants but it doesn't make them real.
—Prof. Thiel
Now you take this animal and move it over here?
—Father MacDonnell discussing a math equation
There weren't any cones. This is a beer glass.
—Father MacDonnell
“I’ll tell you what it is and how you get it. What it is is another question.”
—Father MacDonnell, Math
“Now ten, ten is a reasonable question. I mean, uh, ten is a…number ten.”
—Father MacDonnell, Math
I'm sorry, it's not your fault. It's just this screwed up country and this crazy system, you don't know your ass from your elbows. But it's not your fault, alright, where were we?
—Prof. WJ Petry
Plato would go ape shit with genetic engineering
—Prof. Naser, Honors
And I've lost my podium.
—Prof. Liz Hohl, Women's Studies
You have to feeeeeeel the numbers!!!
—Dr. C. Miners, discussing statistics
Old dude, listen...I'll just go buy a new one.
—Dr. Peck on being offered an extended warranty by a salesman for his newly purchased VCR
Throw me a freakin' bone here!
—Dr. Obando, Information Systems and Design (IS240), while trying to get his class to participate.
...prostitution is only legal in some cities in Nevada... not that I would know anything about that
—Professor Buss - Intro To Macroeconomics
Got your hat today?...Son, you better put it on...that is one bad hair day.
—Dr. Peck, normally he doesn't allow hats worn in his class but he stopped his lecture to make this rare exception
Guys really need to take a lesson from vibrators
—Dr. Sharon Abbott in her Sociology Theory class
There was a whole lot of booty to be gotten
—Professor McCoyRoman Civilization, in reference to ancient pirates in Rome